Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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- 21 replies
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This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you 1. Put both lids of the toilet up And add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be su…
Last reply by Austinville, -
- 6 replies
- 401 views
A Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks THE question..... WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!' WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?' HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.' WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?' HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.' WIFE: 'You would?' (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?' HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.' WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?' HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?' WIFE: 'Would you le…
Last reply by jackie62, -
- 8 replies
- 446 views
Once upon a time there was a perfect man and a perfect women, they met and had a percect courtship, they had a perfect wedding & their life was perfect. One snowy, stormy xmas , this perfect couple was driving, their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed some - one at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple , they stopped to help. there stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys, not wanting to dissapoint any children on xmas eve, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys. Unfortuanatly the conditions worsened and the perfect couple & Santa had an accid…
Last reply by Austinville, -
- 4 replies
- 336 views
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carol That the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Darling, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?' Carol agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carol 's shoulder and said, 'Darling? Please? Just one more time before I die?' She agreed, and then aft…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 3 replies
- 360 views
its true men can walk on water
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 3 replies
- 395 views
BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR Charlotte, North Carolina. USA. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the 24 cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.. and WON! (Stay wi…
Last reply by Austinville, -
- 5 replies
- 453 views
Funny! Collie + Lhasa Apso Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport Spitz + Chow Chow Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot Bloodhound + Borzoi Bloody Bore, a dog that's not much fun Pointer + Setter Pointsetter, a traditional Christmas pet Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries Great Pyrenees + Dachshund Pyradachs, a puzzling breed Pekingese + Lhasa Apso Peekasso, an abstract dog Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle Labrad…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
now when saying this joke try using a french accent it makes it even funnier ROFL British SAS Two French paratroopers were seconded to the British SAS for special training. After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Pierre ," asks one,"ow 'av you been doing?" "Merde!" answers Pierre . "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day.....Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged Me out of bed and onto ze parade ground." "And zen what 'appened?" enquired his mate. "I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five ft off ze ground and zen 'e said "J…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
Hope these bring a smile to your face, they did mine lol http://www.animaltalk.us/for/Animals/dog-pictures-that-make-you-smile/
Last reply by BingBlaze n Skyla, -
- 5 replies
- 2.2k views
Feel free to add to these lol
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 2 replies
- 504 views
......Just because I know you need to smile..... You've got to see this. 1st look and see the Whale under the water. Keep your cursor OUT of the picture until you see the Whale. Then move your mouse cursor onto the picture, but stand back, you might get wet (it's like it's 3D).. Click on the picture when it loads completely and be sure that your sound is on CLICK ON: http://www.toilette-humor.com/cartoon.html
Last reply by MyMukki, -
- 1 reply
- 512 views
amazing and funny [ame="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=24304174"]bad ass Texas rabbit[/ame]
Last reply by MyMukki, -
- 8 replies
- 678 views
Use your imagination (CNN/CareerBuilder . com) If you've decided honesty is not the best policy for you, don't try using any of the following excuses as the reason why you're late -- they've been heard before. Here are 12 of the most outrageous excuses employees have heard for being late to work: 1. My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm. 2. My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work. 3. I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn't find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again. 4. I got locked in my trunk by my son. …
Last reply by MyMukki, -
You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle. HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT? You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain! 1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor a…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 7 replies
- 563 views
Kids Are Quick TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this kid) ________________…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 6 replies
- 528 views
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it …
Last reply by pprobst99, -
- 11 replies
- 827 views
http://www.quizyourprofile.com/guessyournumber.swf it rly works!:grinning-smiley-003
Last reply by BingBlaze n Skyla, -
- 7 replies
- 941 views
Usually everyone who has a dog would call him Rover or something, well I call mine Sex. Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew how embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 oclock in the morning. I said, I was looking for Sex. My court case comes up next Thursday. One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said I would like to have one too! When I said But this is a dog, he said he didnt care what she looked like. The…
Last reply by little lew, -
- 6 replies
- 782 views
The only cow in a small town near Aberdeen stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow down in Forfar, for 200.00. They bought the cow from Forfar and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what a…
Last reply by little lew, -
- 19 replies
- 931 views
this maths test can predict your forum's fav person.... try it without looking at answers first... pick a number from 1 - 9 then x3 then +3 then x3 again you get a 2 digit number.. add the 2 digits together to find your forum's fav person. 1. Sarah 2. Marc 3. Nixy 4. lucy 5. Duncan 6. AlexT 7. Amy 8. Austinville. 9. Richard 10.Jackie62 sarah stop tampering with my posts.....
Last reply by little lew, -
One day Little Johnny walks up to his Mom and says, Mommy, is God Black or White? She replies, Well, Honey, God is both Black and White. Then he says, Mommy, is God a boy or a girl? God is both a boy and a girl, Honey, she replies. Mommy, is God gay or straight? he inquires again. Getting a little irritated, the mother replies, Well, Honey, God is both gay and straight. After thinking for a moment, Johnny looks up and asks, Mommy, is God Michael Jackson? A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, Bec…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None. It should be opened when she brings it. Through my years of infinate wisdom (my parents always said I was a smart-ass), Ive learned a few things. Women, yea I consider myself an expert in the female area if you know what I mean (wink) - and the most important thing Ive learned is to stay away from a woman on her PMS days. In fact, Ive put together a few acronyms (abbreviations) based on my experience with the syndrome. At any rate, my top 10 Acronyms For Women During P.M.S. Psychotic Mood Shift Puffy Mid-Section People Make me Sick Pimples May Surface Pass M…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 3 replies
- 553 views
excellent email responder: auto responder
Last reply by MyMukki, -
- 3 replies
- 480 views
2 couples decided to swap partners for the night..... after 3 hours of fantastic sex one says to the other ... i wonder how the girls are getting on ?? whats a catholic priest & a pint of guiness got in common ??? A ; black coat, white collar & you gotta watch your ass if u get a dodgy one.. chat up lines 1. did u fart ? co's ya just blew me away 2. are your parents retarded ? co's your special 3. my love for you is like diarrhoea. i just can't hold it in 4. is there a mirror in your knickers ? co's i can see myself in them. 5. your body reminds me of a spanner ! everytime i think of you my nuts tight…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 2 replies
- 875 views
A typical Sibe..... obedienceschool2.bmp
Last reply by Sarah,
