women

[Mistyrayn]

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Through my years of infinate wisdom (my parents always said I was a smart-ass), Ive learned a few things. Women, yea I consider myself an expert in the female area if you know what I mean (wink) - and the most important thing Ive learned is to stay away from a woman on her PMS days. In fact, Ive put together a few acronyms (abbreviations) based on my experience with the syndrome.

At any rate, my top 10 Acronyms For Women During P.M.S.

Psychotic Mood Shift

Puffy Mid-Section

People Make me Sick

Pimples May Surface

Pass My Sweatpants

Perpetual Munching Spree

Pass My Shotgun

Pissy Mood Syndrome

Potential Murder Suspect

Pack My Sh*t

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes thats right - women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, Well, thats better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder whats further up? So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, Thats great, but I wonder whats further up? And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. Hmmm, better she says. But I wonder whats upstairs?

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. Wow! exclaims the woman, very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up! And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. Oh, mercy me! But just think what must be awaiting me further on? So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

A: Because a woman who cant even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?

A: Its one of those evolutionary things that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

A: When she starts a sentence with A man once told me

Q: How do you fix a womans watch?

A: You dont. There is a clock on the oven.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

A: The dog, of course. Hell shut up once you let him in.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?

A: They want to.

Q: When will women will be equal to men?

A: When they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Fact: In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Fact: I married a Miss Right.

I just didnt know her first name was Always.

Fact: Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by 90%.

Its called a Wedding Cake.

[siberian_wolf]

very good richard