Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
-
- 3 replies
- 465 views
We all know this is true..............
Last reply by BingBlaze n Skyla, -
- 5 replies
- 397 views
Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. …
Last reply by Olympia, -
- 5 replies
- 439 views
1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat - use the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. …
Last reply by jules dief taz tor, -
- 2 replies
- 376 views
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. Joseph Campbell Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. Benjamin Franklin Pessimists, were told, look at a glass containing 50% air and 50% water and see it as half empty. Optimists, in contrast, see it as half full. Engineers, of course, understand the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Bob Lewis If you think you are worth what you know, you are very wrong. Your knowledge today does not have much value beyond a couple of years. Your value is what you can learn…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 8 replies
- 496 views
What can i say ???
Last reply by BingBlaze n Skyla, -
- 4 replies
- 611 views
And you think you have problems ... Look what our dogs have to put up with
Last reply by Alex T, -
beer poster
by Sarah- 2 replies
- 437 views
This should be displayed in every pub lol
Last reply by BingBlaze n Skyla, -
- 9 replies
- 450 views
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the football before helping around the house. 3. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 4. A Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer quickly to No 9 for the meaning of nothin…
Last reply by Lavinia, -
- 16 replies
- 702 views
17. I finished the Oreos. 16. Not to imply anything, but I dont think the kid weighs 40 pounds. 15. Yknow, looking at her, youd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!! 14. I sure hope your thighs arent gonna stay that flabby forever! 13. Well, couldnt they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl! 12. Darned if you aint about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella. 11. Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, thats gotta hurt. 10. Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott! 9. Im jealous! Why cant men experien…
Last reply by Sqwidge, -
- 3 replies
- 458 views
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dove soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!) On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (The big one or the little one?) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too lat…
Last reply by BingBlaze n Skyla, -
I'm coming back as.......
Last reply by majormom2u, -
- 1 reply
- 375 views
married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairywho grants them both a wish.... i want to travell around the world with my darling husband. said the wife .. two tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand .... the husband says sorry love but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me... so the fairy waves her wand & the man bocomes 92. moral of the story. men who are ungratefull B***ards should remember - faires are F***in female !!!!!
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 0 replies
- 409 views
there is a medical distinction. wev'e all heard about people having gut or balls, but do you really know the difference between them ? in an effort to keep you infomed , the definitions are listed below .... GUTS- is arriving home late after a night out with the boys. being met by the wife with a broom and having the guts to ask "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere ?" BALLS - is coming home late after night out with the boys , smelling of beer & perfume, with lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say "your next fatty"
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 1 reply
- 390 views
Dear Santa, Listen you fat little troll, Ive been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back time!! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or Im gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you dont want to be around to smell it!) So, heres my holiday wish list for this year, Santa. 1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. Im sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are …
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
Stress.....
by Sarah- 4 replies
- 479 views
this is so appropriate for me at the moment.......
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 2 replies
- 458 views
http://www.mnwelldir.org/docs/misc/25_ways_to_improve_your_health.htm
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 1 reply
- 424 views
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care …
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 2 replies
- 449 views
[ame] [/ame] [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk[/ame] [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx4UEe98EkY[/ame]
Last reply by BingBlaze n Skyla, -
- 3 replies
- 473 views
http://www.picocat.com/2009/03/how-to-wash-cat.html
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 9 replies
- 718 views
someone sent this to me in a video -hilarious! [ame] [/ame]
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 5 replies
- 560 views
This just keeps making me laugh the more I watch it... [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSSGiA4f5cs"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSSGiA4f5cs[/ame]
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 4 replies
- 467 views
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet20beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for loving each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity li ke this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a w…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 6 replies
- 575 views
A four-year-old boy called Shane, had been asking for a puppy for over a month, but his daddy kept saying, "No dogs! A dog will dig up the garden and chase the ducks and kill our rabbits. No dog, and that's final!" Each night Shane prayed for a puppy, and each morning he was disappointed when there was no puppy waiting outside. I was peeling potatoes for dinner, and he was sitting on the floor at my feet asking for the thousandth time, "Why won't Daddy let me have a puppy?" "Because they are a lot of trouble. Don't cry. Maybe Daddy will change his mind someday," I encouraged him. "No, he won't, and I'll nev…
Last reply by jules dief taz tor, -
- 15 replies
- 734 views
How many times do people have to be told??? Awful things can happen.....................
Last reply by MyMukki, -
- 5 replies
- 475 views
When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully avoid it, while men assume that it was meant for someone else, and come home with every bone broken. *When a women is pregnant and craves pickle and mustard sandwhiches, the man groans and wines until they remind him that you are the one having the baby HERE! But when the man craves a six pack, she diligently goes to the store and returns five hours later with a romantic movie Women can stand to be wrong, while men make excuses about ''misunderstanding'' and some how it is always the women's fault *When women stay in the bathroom for over 45 seconds, men a…
Last reply by scott,
