Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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- 9 replies
- 560 views
Thought some of you might like this, others, well we'll see mahahahahaha :54: http://www.mopo.ca/uploaded_images/good-wife-710217.jpg
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 6 replies
- 424 views
* Always make getting and keeping a full-time job with regular raises, benefits, bonuses and the potential for prestigious advancement your number one priority in life. Remember always that you have a wife and children who need your financial support, and that it is your responsibility to provide for them to the best of your ability. * Always arrive home refreshed and happy - put your bad day or your confrontation with your boss, the traffic, the crowds or the physical exhaustion you might feel aside and try to arrive home as cheery and lighthearted as you possibly can. Your wife has been struggling with the children and the housework all day, she does not need…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 2 replies
- 384 views
i found this funny thought i would share http://www.funpic.hu/swf/numanuma.html see what u think
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that, in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' So, a student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definite…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 10 replies
- 617 views
1940's, 50's, 60's and 70's ! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottl…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 5 replies
- 402 views
A young monk arrives at the monastery He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' He goes down in…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 8 replies
- 409 views
ROSES & HANGING BASKETS A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate... The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you c…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 4 replies
- 441 views
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to Hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you but since you definitely have to stay here, I am going to have to let someone else go. "I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you'll have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing o…
Last reply by Austinville, -
- 2 replies
- 418 views
Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. He reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks "Dad what is love juice" Dad looks horrified, but then sits down and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says " So what were you watching?" Billy says "Wimbledon"
Last reply by scott, -
- 2 replies
- 431 views
Not a joke but I thought this was a cute card, if only it were a husky! I can see Mukki in this role LOL Pub Lunch: I love these cards!
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 2 replies
- 369 views
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when... 1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4.. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen 8. Le…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 2 replies
- 391 views
How Adam got Eve Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've …
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 6 replies
- 548 views
* You never questioned why the A-Team were always imprisoned in places that had sufficient tools to build an armoured tank. * Dungeons & Dragons was your favourite cartoon. * Your lunch times were spent perfecting swan dives and backspins. * You fell out with friends during heated arguments about the relative merits of Matt & Luke. * You owned, or wanted a "Frankie says..." T-shirt. * You have ever danced (or even worse cried) to Kylie & Jason. * Cerise pink, electric blue and banana yellow have ever featured in your wardrobe or make-up collection. * You ever did t…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 5 replies
- 735 views
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver She says...i'm going to die soon but i want to have sex before i do but i must remain a virgin so it must be anal and i cant commit adultery so the man must be single,can you fulfill my wish? Yes says the driver and fulfills her wish. Then feeling guilty he says i'm sorry i lied,i'm married with three kids. Thats ok said the nun,i lied too...my name is keith and i'm going to a fancy dress party!!
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
Childminder
by Sarah- 7 replies
- 1.9k views
I have FINALLY found someone who can look after the kids>>>>>>>>
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 3 replies
- 517 views
An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same ti…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 3 replies
- 645 views
A woman in her thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?' The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old!' The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 42-year old arse?' 'Your name never came up,' she replied
Last reply by jackie62, -
- 5 replies
- 482 views
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?," gasped her mother.…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 7 replies
- 589 views
This is too funny to be dirty The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.' Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.' OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see the…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 7 replies
- 569 views
These are genuine complaints from council letters - 1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. 3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow... 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. 6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. 7. I wish to report …
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 2 replies
- 535 views
LMAO!!!!! Just found this on you tube, still giggling! [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNYfZd8iV2k[/ame]
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 4 replies
- 455 views
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!' God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Dr…
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 3 replies
- 479 views
Primary School children writing about the sea! 1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6) 3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7) 4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6) 5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8) 6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes ba…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 6 replies
- 519 views
The Waiting Room This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. Many of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. An 86-year-old man walked into a crowdedwaiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, 'Hello, sir. Can you please tell me why you're here to see the doctor today?' 'There's…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 4 replies
- 478 views
1 . Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...' 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.' 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.' 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant …
Last reply by Dunc,
