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a few funnies


Mistyrayn

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2 couples decided to swap partners for the night..... after 3 hours of fantastic sex one says to the other ... i wonder how the girls are getting on ??

whats a catholic priest & a pint of guiness got in common ???

A ; black coat, white collar & you gotta watch your ass if u get a dodgy one..

chat up lines

1. did u fart ? co's ya just blew me away

2. are your parents retarded ? co's your special

3. my love for you is like diarrhoea. i just can't hold it in

4. is there a mirror in your knickers ? co's i can see myself in them.

5. your body reminds me of a spanner ! everytime i think of you my nuts tighten

6. you might not be the best looking girl ! but beauty is only a light switch away.

john & mick are reading head stones in a grave yard.. mick says "crikey " theres a bloke here who was 152

john asks "what was his name " ??

mick replies " miles " from " London "

john & mick are working on a building site

john says im gonna have the day off... im gonna pretend to be mad..

he climbs up the rafters.... hangs upside down and shouts "IM A LIGHTBULB !! IM A LIGHTBULB"

mick watches in amazment...

the foreman shouts " john your mad go home " so he leaves the site

mick starts picking his kit up to leave aswell.

"where the hell are u going ??" asks the foreman

"i can't work in the friggin dark" says mick

john phones easy jet to book a flight ..the operator asks "how many people are flying with you ??"

john replies " i dont know its your f***ing plane "

a muslim sitting on a plane next to john... john ordered a whiskey.

the stewardess asked the muslim if he'd like a drink..

he replied "i'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquer touch my lips" !!!

john handed his drink back and said " me too, i didn't realise we had a choice !!"

some names have been changed to protect the stupid !!!!

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