Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.Kind of makes you proud and almost feel like a hybrid.___________________________A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack."Help me dear," she groans to her husband.The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him."I'm dying here and you're putting.""Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they…
Last reply by Emma, -
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.It's something I could really see myself doing.
Last reply by Emma, -
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Sorry if this was already posted guys but I really wanted to share it. Always makes me laugh even when the servers at work are lighting their pitchforks and rebelling against their administrators.
Last reply by Jay, -
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- 360 views
This is what we can expect if deforestation continues.
Last reply by Andy, -
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If you ever wonder which one loves you more, your dog or your wife. Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Open it up an hour later and see which one is happy to see you. A woman looking in a mirror laments that her hair was too gray, her body was too fat and her boobs were too saggy. Her husband responded, but your eyesight is damn near perfect... Jamie
Last reply by Andy, -
The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?""John," the new seaman replied."Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, mamsy pamsy stuff they're teaching in boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by their first name," the chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only: Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Chief.' Do I make myself clear?""Aye, aye, Chief!""Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"The seaman sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling, Chief.""OK, John, here's what I want you…
Last reply by Andy, -
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A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store. The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches." The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store." The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She replied in a nasty tone, "Nine! But why do you care about that?" The judge answered pati…
Last reply by Andy, -
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All part of the job……… and thank you for flying Qantas!! A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Qantas from Sydney to Auckland. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked,“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me t…
Last reply by Andy, -
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Last reply by Sarah, -
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This is Ice!
Last reply by robke, -
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she'll roll in anything stinky, you know she's going to do it. She'll drop one shoulder down low and bam, lays down and rubs it all over herself, dirty girl.
Last reply by robke, -
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Last reply by Emma, -
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lol
Last reply by Andy, -
2 dog's free to good home. No feeding or walking required .... sent via husky howls
Last reply by Emma, -
Last reply by Jay,
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I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a frying pan, it may not be the best time to cross her.Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.I don't like making plans for the day....because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,508 days in a row.Dear p…
Last reply by Andy, -
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RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go out to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas . 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been for a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadg…
Last reply by Andy, -
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A hooded armed robber bursts into a bank and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the robber's hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy dead without hesitation. He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. He sees one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor."Did anyone else see my face?" calls the robber. There follows a tense minute of silence. An elderly gentleman, tentatively raises his hand and says, "I think my wife caught a gl…
Last reply by Emma, -
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after 21 years this is the note my son give today...He did say it is my bestest handwriting...LOLOL
Last reply by Emma, -
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you show off CHxhkCWXAAAhmqD.mp4
Last reply by goingsolo, -
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Last reply by NOBELHOWLUC49, -
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Last reply by Clare70, -
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Last reply by Andy, -
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lol
Last reply by Carly, -
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Last reply by PaulG,
