Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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- 13 replies
- 2.1k views
hope some of these do not get me banned lol
Last reply by PaulG, -
Stolen Car
by Mazz- 3 replies
- 490 views
His beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the junker was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted. Nonetheless, they called the police. Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone. "We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'"
Last reply by PaulG, -
Last reply by goingsolo, -
- 1 reply
- 267 views
You know how hard it is to talk to your dentist when your teeth are being cleaned or you are getting a filling? Well, I decided I would make up a sort of sign language that you could use to express yourself without having to mumble. Below are 10 common things you might wish to say, numbered 1-10. These would be printed on a poster and mounted on the ceiling above the dentist chair. It would give you something to read since procedures can be boring. When a phrase seems appropriate, you would just hold up the corresponding number of fingers to express yourself. The dentist would not need to stop to ask you to repeat yourself and could fix the problem right away. 1. Every…
Last reply by Emma, -
- 8 replies
- 3.8k views
Last reply by PaulG, -
- 4 replies
- 443 views
Are you a Man's man ? Are you a voracious meat eater ? Sometimes you just want a good hamburger .... or sometimes a hot dog .... am I right ? Well now you can have BOTH , just go to Hardees . You can get a beef patty , topped by a split dog and crispy kettle cooked Lay's chips . All this and only 1,030 calories , with 64 grams of fat . The Most American Thick Burger , available now . Add fries for a square meal !
Last reply by Emma, -
- 1 reply
- 229 views
There are three brothers called David, Henry and Alan. One day, they meet Peter, who has just moved into the house next door to them. Unfortunately, Peter is cross-eyed. "What’s your name?" Peter asks David. "Henry," replies Henry. "I wasn’t talking to you," Peter says to Henry. "But I didn’t say anything," says Alan.
Last reply by Emma, -
- 2 replies
- 352 views
http://www.buzzfeed.com/kaylynr45559e499/21-times-a-huskys-expression-said-it-all-1ke9k
Last reply by Andy, -
In the ancient cattle kingdom, two cows, Duke Udder and Duke Moo were chewing the cud in the court. Duke Moo made a joke over an obscure reference that Duke Udder didn't catch. Duke Udder asked for a hint at the meaning. King Cow walked by and interjected. You mean you want one clue over the Duke Moo's jest?
Last reply by Emma, -
- 0 replies
- 551 views
Last reply by Emma, -
- 5 replies
- 541 views
If your husky was a movie star, who would they be? If I had to guess, I'd say Kiyah was most like Reese Witherspoon from legally blonde. As for Chewy, I'd say he was more of a comedian like Rob Schneider.
Last reply by Emma, -
- 1 reply
- 538 views
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! • A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. • Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . • I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. • They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. • I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. • Jokes about German sausages are the wurst. • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. • This girl said she …
Last reply by Emma, -
- 1 reply
- 322 views
Little five year old Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom was washing his hair. She said to him, "Wow, your hair is growing so fast! You need a haircut again." Little Johnny replied, "Maybe you should stop watering it so much."
Last reply by Emma, -
- 1 reply
- 318 views
Three old men are out walking. Guy says, "Windy, isn't it?" Doc says, "No, it's Thursday!" George says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!"
Last reply by Emma, -
Dr. Geezer
by Mazz- 1 reply
- 393 views
It's difficult to find good family doctors any more. An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored , so he decided to open a medical clinic. He put up a sign outside that said, "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000, so he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired. Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I've lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?" Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. …
Last reply by Emma, -
- 2 replies
- 437 views
Last reply by Clare70, -
- 1 reply
- 433 views
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, About 7 miles, through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers". Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one heck of an outdoorsman!" "No," I replied, "just a lousy golfer".
Last reply by Emma, -
A man has been stranded on a deserted island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit. Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you." Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" Man: "It's been 10 years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette. Man: "Thank you so much!" Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?" Man: "It's been 10 years!" The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink. Man: "Thank you so m…
Last reply by Emma, -
- 1 reply
- 325 views
Answering machine message, "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes." Aspire to inspire before you expire. My wife and I had words,but I didn't get to use mine. Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere. God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps ge…
Last reply by Emma, -
- 1 reply
- 320 views
Once there was a King who was loved by all of his subjects, especially because of the hunting excursions he shared with them. As will happen, one day he died and his eldest son took the throne. Now this new king was an animal-lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms of hunting and fishing. His subjects accepted this for only a short time before they ousted him. This is a truly significant event, because it's the first time a reign was called on account of the game.
Last reply by Emma, -
- 3 replies
- 411 views
1- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3- Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management. 4- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 5/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 5- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten …
Last reply by robke, -
- 1 reply
- 408 views
Last reply by Emma, -
A man in a hurry , taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "It's okay, Dad" the boy said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."
Last reply by Emma, -
- 1 reply
- 335 views
After being laid off from five different jobs in six months, Joe was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the repairs. "How much will it cost?" asked Joe. "About $4,500," said the owner. "What a relief!" exclaimed Joe. "I've finally got job security!"
Last reply by Emma, -
- 1 reply
- 359 views
Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you." The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down. For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They disco…
Last reply by Emma,
