RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

[robke]

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 
 
 1.  Two times a week we go out to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 
 
  2.  We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas . 
 
  3.  I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 
 
  4.  I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  "Somewhere I haven't been for a long time!" she said.  So I suggested the kitchen. 
 
  5.  We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops. 
 
  6.  She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.  She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"  So I bought her an electric chair. 
 
  7.  My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was.  She told me, "In the lake." 
 
  8.  She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off. 
 
 9.  She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"  The driver said, "No, jump in!" 
 
10.  Remember:  Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 
 
11.  I married Miss Right.  I just didn't know her first name was 'Always.' 
 
12.  I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don't want to interrupt her. 
 
13.  The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"  I said "Dust!" 
 
I love it . . . these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word.  It was just clean and simple fun. 

[Emma]

:rofl: :rofl: :)

[Andy]