Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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- 9 replies
- 759 views
Last reply by robke, -
Poor Dewey
by Mazz- 3 replies
- 345 views
Dewey is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Steve walks in, sits down, and asks him what the problem is. “Well,” said Dewey, “I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.” “What kind of question?” asked Steve. “My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat, and wrinkly.” “That’s easy,” said Steve. “You just say, ‘Of course I will.’” “Yeah,” said Dewey, “that’s what I meant to say, except I said, ‘Of course I DO…’”
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 3 replies
- 353 views
The Manhattan commuter train was packed. Suddenly there was a jingle on the floor. Most necks were craned. One elderly gentleman bent down and picked something up. He then asked, "Did anyone drop a half dollar?" "I did," answered three men at once. "Well," said the elderly gent with a smile, "here's a dime of it."
Last reply by Emma, -
- 4 replies
- 300 views
"Mummy, that new dentist wasn't painless like he advertised." "Why, did he hurt you?" "No! but he yelled , just like any other dentist , when I bit his finger."
Last reply by Emma, -
A woman went to the doctors' office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 68 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Last reply by Emma, -
Lumberjack
by Mazz- 2 replies
- 322 views
When the lumberjack accidentally let his chainsaw slip he quickly became lacked toes intolerant.
Last reply by Emma, -
- 3 replies
- 394 views
Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs? She had to call an eggs-terminator! ***** Q: What did the bunny want to do when he grew up? A: Join the Hare Force. Q: What do you call a mischievous egg? A: A practical yolker Q: Why was the Easter Bunny arrested? A: He was charged with Hare-assment! Q. Why did the Easter egg hide? A. He was a little chicken! Q: Where does the Easter bunny eat breakfast? A: IHOP. Q: How does a rabbit throw a tantrum? A: He gets hopping mad. ***** A farmer plays a prank on Easter Sunday. After the egg hunt, he sneaks into the chicken coop and replaces every white e…
Last reply by robke, -
- 7 replies
- 659 views
I was in Hardee's the other day. I went with my father. I ordered two meal combos. I paid and the cashier gave me two cups, but she apologized. She ran out of large cups. So, she apologetically handed me one large cup and one medium. I went to the soda fountain. I filled my father's large with root beer and my medium with lemon-lime. Then I realized: His Barq's was bigger than the Sprite. Huskies in the Heartland
Last reply by Emma, -
- 2 replies
- 2.1k views
My Favourite has to be the last one. Hope they make you laugh
Last reply by Husky-gunner, -
- 11 replies
- 774 views
An old station hand named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in the outback when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the old man, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" Billy looks at the young man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RA…
Last reply by Clare70, -
Last reply by Jase, -
- 2 replies
- 409 views
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. …
Last reply by robke, -
- 17 replies
- 844 views
Well Bella has just come out of her Spay OP, and Noah is with her keeping her company we are to pick them up at 5pm.. Ben the Cat is at the Vets now and Good news they think they will save both Eyes. We will know tomorrow. Noah did not have his OP as his growth has de-growthed really well with the steroids. Howler and Lucky are all out of sorts and very subdued.. So what to do, Find more funny Pics on the Net to make me smile. So its share the fun time. And I wonder what the house prices are like in that area??????
Last reply by robke, -
- 3 replies
- 364 views
Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
Last reply by Andy, -
Poor Morris
by Mazz- 3 replies
- 417 views
During a visit to the community psychiatric hospital, Morris, a journalist from the Local Chronicle, asks the Director how the hospital decides whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," replies the Director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and we ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," says Morris. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "Actually," says the Director, "A normal person would just pull the plug. So tell me Morris, do you want a room with an East view or a West view?"
Last reply by Andy, -
- 1 reply
- 379 views
... A good old boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with that?! There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here." He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it." His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is. She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house. The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand . He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?" His brother r…
Last reply by robke, -
- 1 reply
- 326 views
"Hello, Bill," exclaimed Jim, meeting a buddy for the first time in awhile. "Did you marry that girl you used to go with or are you still doing your own cooking and ironing?" "Yes," replied Bill.
Last reply by robke, -
- 1 reply
- 328 views
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. 3. Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! 4. Rottweiler: Make me. 5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. 6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! 7. German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed an…
Last reply by robke, -
- 1 reply
- 316 views
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Bobby. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Danny," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Bobby. Danny replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Bobby. "No, just the regular kind," replied Danny.
Last reply by robke, -
- 1 reply
- 305 views
This particular Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment a very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?
Last reply by robke, -
- 2 replies
- 413 views
Not many people know it, but the Devil actually wears a wig. You'd never know if you weren't told - it's a perfect fit. Anyway, down in the world of fire and brimstone one guy did find out, and he decided to have a little practical joke. So one night, he sneaks past the guardian demons and manages to get all the way into Satan's bed chamber, whereupon he steals the hair-piece and makes good his escape. Well, of course the Devil was most displeased by this, and he rounds up his demons, and demands to know which of them had been so lazy as to let someone sneak past them. Naturally, none of them owns up, which makes him even madder: So he calls a general meeting of ever…
Last reply by Andy, -
- 2 replies
- 445 views
Two salesmen have been called to a meeting at a company which is looking to buy one of their products. The decision of which product to buy will be based on these presentations, so for both salesmen it's a vitally important day. In the board room, the company directors have all been gathered, and the first salesman is called into the room. His presentation uses a flip-chart, with his diagrams all pre-printed on the pages of the chart. The pages are all organized in the right order, and the presentation goes completly smoothly. The board is impressed, but they still need to see the other presentation... So the second salesman is called into the board room to …
Last reply by Maz51, -
A man walks into his local hardware store and sees a display of dead batteries. He asks how much and the store owner says, "They're free of charge."
Last reply by Maz51, -
- 2 replies
- 410 views
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target: Dear Mrs. Harris: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes o…
Last reply by Andy, -
- 1 reply
- 288 views
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God had to deal with His disobedient children: Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” Adam replied. “Don’t eat the forbidden fruit,” God said. “Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve . . . we got Forbidden Fruit!” “No way!” “Yes WAY!” “Don’t eat that fruit!” said God. “Why?” “Because I’m your Creator and I said so!” said God, wondering why He hadn’t stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry. “Didn’t I tell you not to ea…
Last reply by robke,
