Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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- 3 replies
- 408 views
I have one who likes to do these little chores!
Last reply by Emma, -
- 3 replies
- 374 views
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humoro…
Last reply by Andy, -
- 3 replies
- 299 views
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, “Honey, are you ready yet?” Shouting back, the woman replies, “For crying out loud, Dewey, I’ve been telling you for the last half hour… I’ll be ready in a minute!”
Last reply by Andy, -
- 4 replies
- 284 views
March is 'National Frozen Food Month' , so ........................ Who makes this stuff up ???
Last reply by Andy, -
- 4 replies
- 301 views
Judge: I know you, don't I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you? Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me. Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.
Last reply by Andy, -
- 2 replies
- 244 views
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters? Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats? Is it possible to be allergic to water? Considering that warm air rises, if a man builds up gas and the ambient temperature is less than his body temperature, does he weigh less than when he does not have gas? If he ate a pound of beans, would he weigh more or less? Going further, if one ate enough gaseous food, would they ultimately float off into space? How come only your fingers and toes get prune in the shower and nothing else does? In the song "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yel…
Last reply by Emma, -
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered, but the waiter’s thumb is resting on the meat. “Are you crazy?” yells the customer. “You bring my food with your hand on my steak?” “What?” answers the waiter. “You want it to fall on the floor again?”
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 4 replies
- 421 views
A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. “You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.” “All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board.” “Anybody else?” asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad. “Yeah,” the farmer said. “This guy is none too bright. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and all the beer he can drink.” …
Last reply by Andy, -
- 2 replies
- 178 views
Why did the evangelical Christian pummel the livestock buyer over the head? Because he was a buy bull thumper!
Last reply by robke, -
- 2 replies
- 225 views
The English Teacher felt odd after being fired: it was post-grammatic stress disorder.
Last reply by Emma, -
Cheeky Dog.
by Emma- 2 replies
- 558 views
Last reply by Skyla, -
- 4 replies
- 408 views
The church insisted on a new seminary graduate. They were looking for greener pastors.
Last reply by Skyla, -
The Butcher
by Mazz- 3 replies
- 293 views
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Last reply by Emma, -
- 3 replies
- 314 views
Last reply by NOBELHOWLUC49, -
- 2 replies
- 290 views
We are the IRS, and we are not happy UNTIL you are not happy.
Last reply by Emma, -
- 2 replies
- 276 views
A road crew supervisor in Minnesota hired Ole to paint the yellow line down the middle of route 32 heading up toward Bemidji. The supervisor was skeptical about hiring him since OIe didn't have any painting background, but he appeared enthusiastic and he told the supervisor that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lena told him so. He explained to Ole that his work or the day would be to complete 2 miles of centerline on the road. He was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started. After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two expected of him. He told Ole tha…
Last reply by Emma, -
Finally...
by robke- 4 replies
- 383 views
Last reply by robke, -
Last reply by goingsolo, -
Sounds like a plan!
Last reply by Mazz, -
- 3 replies
- 1.5k views
Last reply by SnowDogLove, -
Vets Time!
by Emma- 7 replies
- 803 views
Last reply by Emma, -
- 7 replies
- 564 views
Last reply by Jase, -
- 5 replies
- 416 views
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news", he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, "How much will a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female brain." Th…
Last reply by Skyla, -
- 5 replies
- 773 views
This is what Ice does. The kids are just as guilty of this too!
Last reply by Emma, -
- 6 replies
- 390 views
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1163425/Thatll-teach-Hilarious-moment-thief-hits-brick.html
Last reply by Sarah,
