Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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This explains why I - and maybe all of us - forward jokes. READ IT TO THE END, PLEASE. A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that loo…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 0 replies
- 470 views
there is nothing personall in the following it just made me sit and wonder.. like it might you aswell. How true it is.... I have been wondering about why Whites are racists, and no other race is. Michael Richards better known as Kramer from TVs Seinfeld does make a good point. This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act. He makes some very interesting points... Someone finally said it.. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc. And then there …
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 7 replies
- 533 views
Knock knock joke???????
Last reply by stokie, -
- 1 reply
- 494 views
THE TIMES--Letter of the Year An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely. Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for o…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 7 replies
- 534 views
Tired of constantly being broke, & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure that went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that the going rate for snuffing out a spouse was 5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up f…
Last reply by Sarah, -
that's how it SHOULD look lol
Last reply by laura_3173, -
- 9 replies
- 816 views
One for the ladies One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- Shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to out, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' she replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' Liverpool .' And they say blondes are dumb... ----------------------------------------------------------- A couple are lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...' ----------------------------------------------------------- 'It's ju…
Last reply by dog walker, -
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started..... ********************************************************************** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her …
Last reply by dog walker, -
- 3 replies
- 579 views
Why did the chicken cross the road???
Last reply by dog walker, -
- 2 replies
- 1.7k views
..............
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 9 replies
- 1.2k views
Please add to these if you find more
Last reply by PawPrints, -
- 2 replies
- 533 views
The Story of Gordon and the Donkey A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for 100.00 The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead. Gordon replied, 'Well then, just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'I can't do that, because I've spent it already. Gordon said, 'OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway. The farmer asked, 'What are you going to …
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 5 replies
- 786 views
These three teenage girls were roommates. One Friday night right after the semester started they all had all gone out on dates, and by chance all came home at about the same time. The first one came in and said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up." The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared." The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them ag…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
Five rules
by Marc- 9 replies
- 729 views
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE: 1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trustand who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Last reply by laura_3173, -
- 4 replies
- 685 views
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost. A MERRY CHRISTMAS…
Last reply by lesley, -
- 4 replies
- 2.6k views
Ok, let's get motivated!!
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
Wrong Answer
by Marc- 5 replies
- 780 views
WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again. WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan). WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house. WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: …
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was concerned that he was disappointing his new lover,so he called his doctor for advice. The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, h…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge." She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand furth…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 11 replies
- 865 views
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realisingthat nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very nex…
Last reply by laura_3173, -
- 9 replies
- 1.3k views
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Last reply by lesley, -
- 1 reply
- 590 views
VERY INTERESTING STUFF In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb' ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone..:eek: ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is pr…
Last reply by lesley, -
- 0 replies
- 518 views
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude..' With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The othe…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 0 replies
- 550 views
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; ! it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 14 replies
- 1.1k views
for something amazing click on link below.. then click on little man on right hand side of screen.. see if you can work out how its done ??? http://digicc.com/fido/
Last reply by Mistyrayn,
