Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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- 5 replies
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If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the '90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. If …
Last reply by Marc, -
I'm guessing the men are going to say "Good Dog" lol
Last reply by PawPrints, -
Last reply by Sarah,
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I should have this on my wall at work
Last reply by Sarah, -
girl vs boy
by Sarah- 1 reply
- 848 views
can't aruge with her lol
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 2 replies
- 686 views
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??) The penalty for masturb…
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 2 replies
- 866 views
1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, it's yours.
Last reply by dog walker, -
- 2 replies
- 719 views
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a we…
Last reply by Sarah, -
I have a hundred legs, But cannot stand. I have a long neck, But no head. I cannot see, and I'm neat and tidy, As can be. What am I?
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 5 replies
- 960 views
1. It's not a laugh to practice barking at 3a.m. 2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid 6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk 7. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can. 8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once. 9. No, it's my food....Oh alright then, just a small piece.
Last reply by PawPrints, -
- 1 reply
- 738 views
10. Thought the house was too orderly 9. Never did like having a full nights sleep 8. Wanted my Vet to get a new BMW 7. Thought the furniture looked too nice 6. Love the sounds of puppies in the morning, noon, afternoon, clear iconevening, midnight, pre-dawn, etc. 5. Garden and backyard needed renovations, and didn't want clear iconto pay a gardener. 4. Neighbors didn't complain enough 3. Kids weren't enough of a challenge 2. If you can train & show one dog, why not ten 1. Wanted to see if spouse really meant those vows
Last reply by PawPrints, -
Puppy Love
by Sarah- 2 replies
- 855 views
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, "Well, son, they're making a puppy." The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position. Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The Dad responded very slowly and lovingly to his impressionable little boy, "Well, son, we are making you a little brother or sister." The little boy replied, "Please turn Mom over, Dad, I'd…
Last reply by PawPrints, -
- 0 replies
- 783 views
When I got my new dog I asked for strength that I might rear her perfectly; I was given weakness that I might feed her more treats. I asked for good health that I might rest easy; I was given a "special needs" dog that I might know nurturing. I asked for an obedient dog that I might feel proud; I was given stubbornness that I might feel humble. I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful; I was given a clown that I might laugh I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely; I was given a best friend that I would feel loved. I got nothing I asked for, But everything…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 3 replies
- 919 views
10. A dog's parents will never visit you. 9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor. 8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink. 7. A dog never expects you to telephone. 6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday. 5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life. 4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog. 3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day. 2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you. 1. A dog does not shop.
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 3 replies
- 1k views
1. Both take up too much space on the bed. 2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. 3. Both mark their territory. 4. Neither tells you what's bothering them. 5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. 6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches. 7. Neither does any dishes. 8. Both fart shamelessly. 9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. 10. Both like dominance games. 11. Both are suspicious of the postman. 12. Neither understands what you see in cats.
Last reply by PawPrints, -
How do you catch a runaway dog ? Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone ! What dog loves to take bubble baths ? A shampoodle ! What kind of dog does a vampire prefer ? Any kind of bloodhound ! What dogs are best for sending telegrams ? Wire haired terriers !! What do you call a happy Lassie ? A jolly collie ! What do you call a nutty dog in Australia ? A dingo-ling ! What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ? A bud hound ! Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ? Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw ! What is the dogs favourite city ?…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 0 replies
- 406 views
