Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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- 8 replies
- 569 views
Ignorance and apathy
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 2 replies
- 598 views
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 2 replies
- 599 views
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. ( The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. © After wrecking your boss car. (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game. 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5: If youve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actu…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
Jingle Dogs
by Marc- 1 reply
- 614 views
Jingle bells, as sung in the world of the dog http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=xam01uaj6Vg&feature=related
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 1 reply
- 552 views
Perfect example of how not to train your dog
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 0 replies
- 684 views
* A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off? * Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures. * There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned. * When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, Are you two an item? * I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. * A guy walks …
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 0 replies
- 460 views
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day: When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the hous…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 1 reply
- 825 views
Comedy piss take of Hallelujah by Chris Moyles and Comedy Dave ... Quality http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=L38HHCEpNAw
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-HPxZKJk-lg http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ1ybrtDBLE
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 3 replies
- 490 views
1st Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!' 2nd Affair…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 2 replies
- 630 views
Box Donation A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, & then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment, then started to leave. The priest, …
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 3 replies
- 684 views
Oh you better watch out, You better not growl, You better not bark, You better not howl, Santa Paws is coming to town.... He knows when you are staying, He knows when 'ur on a down, He knows where you've been pissin' So you better be a very good hound, Oh you better be quiet, You better not beg, You better not bite, Or hump a strange leg, Santa Paws is coming to town.... He know if you're butt sniffin", He knows what you've chewed up, He knows if you've been eatin' turds, So you better be a pretty good pup, He's makin a list, Checkin it twice, He wan…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 0 replies
- 523 views
Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died. Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane. There's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother o…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 0 replies
- 525 views
Pest Control A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' She pushed him into the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious. After a search of the bedroom, he discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he shouted. 'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked. ' I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 0 replies
- 474 views
Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano A web was a spider's home A virus was the flu A CD was a bank account A hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And if you had a 3 inch floppy . . . . . you just hoped nobody ever found out!
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 0 replies
- 517 views
Tickle Me Elmo: There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am . The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself,…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.' A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.' A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.' The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can take an arsehole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country l…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 0 replies
- 654 views
Man's best friend... A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!? ps - please do NOT try this!
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 0 replies
- 499 views
wife gets naked & asks hubby: ''what turns you on most? my pretty face or my sexy body?'' hubby looks her up and down and replies: ''your fuckin sense of humour!'' --------------------------------------- Why do women Love hunters? Three Reasons. 1. They go Deep into the Bush. 2. They always Shoot twice. 3.They always eat what they Kill. --------------------------------------- Q. Why do men lie at the bottom during sex? A. Because they only no how to fuck up --------------------------------------- FLAT STOMACH A little boy goes into his parents room &am…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 0 replies
- 434 views
Read these out load!!!!!!! 1) That's not right - Sum Ting Wong 2) Are you harbouring a fugitive?- Hu Yu Hai Ding 3) See me ASAP- Kum Hia Nao 4) Stupid Man - Dum Gai 5) Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni 6) Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan 7) I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni 8) I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat 9) It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim 10) I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching? 11) This is a tow away zone - No Pah King 12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week- Wai Yu Kum Nao? 13) Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo 14) He's cleaning his automobile - Wa…
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
At 7am, an angry wife hears a key in the front door. She wanders down, bleary eyed, to find her husband in the kitchen with ruffled hair and lipstick on his collar. "I assume there's a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at seven in the morning," she screams, "d**n right there is," he beams, "Breakfast"
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go ok, it's about 10 mins long but it's Hillarious!!!!!
Last reply by stokie, -
Ok, it's nearly xmas and i know you'll be pulling crackers soon (if you haven't started already!) The kids have pulled nearly all mine and so i thought i'd share the jokes that i've had to endure!! Please feel free to add to the list!! Q.what do you get when you cross a stereo with a fridge? A. the coolest music in town Q.what's round and bad tempered? A. a vicious circle Q.What one word has the most letters in it: A. Alphabet QWhat did the sick vampire say to the doctor? A. I've been coffin all day Q. what do you get when you cross an orange with a commedian? A. peels of…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 8 replies
- 1.1k views
[ATTACH]300.IPB[/ATTACH] scary man
Last reply by stokie, -
- 23 replies
- 2.8k views
some of these are just FAB
Last reply by stokie,
