Jokes n Stuff
A place to LOL
3,592 topics in this forum
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I love Beer
by Sarah- 2 replies
- 729 views
some of these quite amused me.....
Last reply by Marc, -
Please watch this clip, it is very serious. There are alot of people out there who do not understand the male has inflicted upon him, hope I've posted this in the right place... [ame="http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6EElqrgk4N0"]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6EElqrgk4N0[/ame]
Last reply by jules dief taz tor, -
- 2 replies
- 582 views
<@cripwalker> my girlfriend is so fucking cool. <@cripwalker> we were arguing in IM last night about techtv being lame since g4 took over. <@cripwalker> she thinks its better now that theres more "pretty" people on it. <@cripwalker> that filter girl is, like, her idol. <@cripwalker> anyway, i wasn't giving up. i really believe that channel to be a lost cause, now. <@cripwalker> so she says to me "i'm gonna come over there and beat some sense in to you" <@cripwalker> then she logs out. <@cripwalker> about 10 minutes later, she pulls up in her car, runs into the house, walks in like she owns…
Last reply by BingBlaze n Skyla, -
- 3 replies
- 520 views
<glowsun> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo <glowsun> and got mauled <glowsun> and people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage <glowsun> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent <glowsun> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 1 reply
- 447 views
A foreign language teacher was explaining to her class that, unlike their English counterparts, French nouns are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like chalk or pencil, she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Confused, one student raised his hand and asked, What gender is a computer? The French teacher wasnt sure which gender it was, so she ivided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recomm…
Last reply by Sqwidge, -
- 3 replies
- 512 views
A blonde decides to do something shes never done before - rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes her way to the adult section in the back. After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment theres nothing but static on the screen. She calls the store to complain and says, I just rented an adult movie from you and theres nothing on the tape, but static. The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, Which title did you rent? The blond replied, Its called…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 1 reply
- 466 views
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wifes monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cows butt. Thats when I made my big mistake. What did you do? …
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 7 replies
- 584 views
How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson Aig - What a hen lays Aints - He's got aints in his paints Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin Arn - Ma's tard of arnin Bag - He bagged her to marry him Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won. Bub - the light bub burned out Cheer - What you set in Crick - A small stream Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon Chiny - country over in Asia Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes Core - He got hisself a new Ford co…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 1 reply
- 444 views
A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.' Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.' A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The prop…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 2 replies
- 493 views
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder i…
Last reply by Marc, -
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. But, the lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me) Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with…
Last reply by Marc, -
An interesting fact ? Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 2 replies
- 605 views
Just recieved these in an email from future sister in law who is bored at work! [ATTACH]503.IPB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]504.IPB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]505.IPB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]506.IPB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]507.IPB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]508.IPB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]509.IPB[/ATTACH]
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 5 replies
- 548 views
A dangerous virus is going around. It is called Work. If you are offered work from anyone, DO NOT touch it! This virus wipes out your life completely! If you should come into contact with work, go straight to the nearest pub and order the only known antidote which is Alcohol. Please forward this warning immediately to at least 6 friends. If you realise you do not have 6 friends, you are already infected and work has taken control of your life! ------------------------------------------------ I know its a suprise but just thought I'd let you know Im moving to France [pick a date]. I'll keep in tou…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 7 replies
- 736 views
Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look…
Last reply by laura_3173, -
hmmmm just got this up - http://40-crew.com/404.html
Last reply by siberian_wolf, -
- 1 reply
- 646 views
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw …
Last reply by sakora, -
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "W…
Last reply by sakora, -
talking dogs
by Guest moe- 0 replies
- 540 views
and would you beleive TWO huskies are in it lol very cute, ..you need sound. [ame]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCYaw5tGYAs[/ame] Mo
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signs.....
by Sarah- 3 replies
- 561 views
SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN LONDON TOO LONG 1. You say 'mate' constantly 2. You think it is perfectly normal to pay over 3 for a pint. 3. Anyone not from London is a 'wanker' 4. Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern Wanker' 5. You have no idea where the North is. 6. You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it. 7. The countryside makes you nervous 8. Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker. 9. American tourists no longer annoy you. 10. You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day" 1…
Last reply by laura_3173, -
- 2 replies
- 511 views
Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.. Variation Law If you change lines (or t…
Last reply by Mistyrayn, -
- 0 replies
- 496 views
A man doing market research knocked on a door. He was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex." The researcher was a little taken back. He replied with candor, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've bee…
Last reply by Sarah, -
- 2 replies
- 531 views
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello." WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,00…
Last reply by PawPrints, -
- 4 replies
- 602 views
http://upsidedowndogs.com/
Last reply by Dunc, -
- 1 reply
- 491 views
This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX, regarding their feminine products. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore� or Dri-Weave� absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic.…
Last reply by Dunc,